Chet's Cheap Grub Grill --Food Frivolity and Adventure Stories

Birth of the Recipe: (This adventure occurred before I went on the bum. Re: Chicago Max and the Chez Porpoise escapades).

I was up late studying for a chem-sci-logarithm-psych final. The coffee pot was empty, the ash tray was full of crushed butts and sleep was beginning to take over.
My roommates (brothers in the Kappa Pi) tumbled through the door in a cloud of beer fumes and thick tongues.
"Hey Chetster! Wzz happenin?" they greeted me chorally.
"I'm ready for the sack lads. Big test tomorrow," I replied.
Pulling a whiskey bottle from a brown paper bag, the already blottoed louts began to continue their sophomoric brain killing derby. Following close behind, a group of their fellow inebriates (including a brace of nice looking co-eds wearing kulots and harachi sandals, too) stumbled through the door ready to begin their duel with Mr. Daniels.
I knew what I had to do. Quickly I slipped on my Hush Puppies, grabbed my worn but obviously expensive herringbone coat and exited post haste to the neighborhood Circle K. I collected the following:

Ingrediments:
Instant Rice (brown or white)
Refried Beans
Shredded Cheese - yellow or orange family (sliced is ok)
Burrito size tortillas

Hurrying back to my now quite raucous abode, I prepared a platter full of tasty burritos in record time. The revilers became satiated with the mixture of carbohydrates and protein (bad food combo) and were soon sleeping like young children after a long day at the petting zoo. I passed on the idea of awaking the snoring blonde-pixish co-ed for a pleasant chat but opted instead to leave her a note explaining that the effects of alcohol and lack of sleep would soon cause her porcelain skin to take on the appearance of a leather wallet made in a junior high shop class.
As I walked the stairs to retire for the night, I breathed a sigh of contentment. Knowing that not only would I be fully prepared for my morning final exam but that I had also done something damn nice. The power of good food. Cha Ching...Karma points! I slept well.
Utensils:
Bowl to cook rice Bowl to heat beans Skillet to heat torts Seltzer bottle and a plastic shoe horn (optional)

Let' Cook: This recipe will make about 4 burritos.

Cook two cups of minute rice on stove top or micro.
Heat up the refrieds. Add a little water and stir to thin them out a tad.
Tortilla prep method #1: Heat the tort in a micro 10 seconds or in skillet until soft and pliable. (Necessary if tortillas have been left in refrigerator uncovered for more than a week).
Spread the beans on the tort (I use a small spatula but a spoon or your finger works ok too).
Add a couple of spoonsfull of rice. Yes, it is spoonsfull because the noun takes on the plurality.
Add cheese . If you don't have shredded tear sliced cheese into strips. If you notice green spots on cheese cut them off and apply them to any festering wounds or carbuncles.
Fold the tortilla like they do at Taco Bell.
Heat in micro (15-30 seconds) or on butter laden skillet.

Tortilla prep method #2: Cook the tortilla in a small amount of oil until crispy but still pliable.
Add the ingrediments just like prep #1. Cook a few more minutes in skillet for a crunchy version.
Don't forget the taco sauce or the salsa. Also chopped Vitamin O goes with anything. These burritos are good filler but a not-so-good food combo* (2 proteins to 2 carbos). *We'll talk about food combos at a later date.

Food Quip of the Week:
Sheriff Buford T. Justice: "Give me a Dr. Pepper and a Diablo sandwich. And make it quick..I'm in a God-damn hurry." (Smokey and the Bandit)

Celebrity Phone Call of the Week:

I tried to call a few more celebrities but none of them were listed in the phone book. This wasn't a very good idea.