Chet's Cheap Grub Grill --Food Frivolity and Adventure Stories

Recipe of the Week: Chicago Max's $7 Chili

Birth of the Recipe:
I was between careers and found myself in the company of a group of ruffians disaffected from society much as myself at the time. We were holding court under a trestle somewhere between Kingman and Flagstaff, AZ waiting to access the accommodations of a rail car, courtesy of AT&SF. Our discussion had carried to the point of what was on tap for the evening feed. From out of nowhere appeared a behemoth of a man carrying a large canvas tote slung over his shoulder. The ominous fellow sat down, pulled a crumpled red pack of Pall Malls from his tattered but obviously expensive herringbone jacket. He lit a cigarette with a book of matches he dug out from between the pack of smokes and its cellophane wrapper. After a few deep draws on the fag, he ground the half-finished butt out in his palm and gently placed it into the cuff of his pants. From his tote, the stranger then pulled a variety of tin cans, a medium/large cooking pot and a freshly skinned animal, resembling a rabbit or possibly a small otter. Drawing a gleaming six inch knife from his boot scabbard, our guest chef proceeded to cut the animal(?) into small chunks. His workmanship was meticulous and we later surmised that he may have been a surgeon at one time. Half and hour later, our benefactor had produced a pot of a most delectable chili. When we awoke the next morning, the mysterious stranger had vanished. Left behind was a book of matches. On the match cover in bold, embossed letters were the words...Max's Place -- Sweet Home -- Chicago

Ingrediments:
4 to 5 cans of beans -- pinto, kidney, black, your choice. Figure one can per mouth
2 or 3 cans diced tomatoes
1 can of green chilis and/or jalapenos, depending on your personal heat factor
1 can of corn -- for a little south of the border crunch try hominy
2 12oz. cans of V8 -- don't substitute, V8 rules -- If you can get it, buy spicy V8
Chili Powder
Vitamin O (onion) One large, brown or white
Note: Half used bottles of taco sauce or salsa that have developed brown crusts around the lip are great addition. Toss in the rest of that old ketchup squeezer also.
Ground Beef -- 4 to 6 oz. per mouth dependent on size of eator and date of last meal -- Use the low fat (7%) grind. This substitutes for the animal used by Max.
Utensils:
Large pot
Wooden spoon
Sharp knife (dull knives in kitchen mean death!)
Can opener
Spark plug gapper (optional)
Let's Cook!
Toss the meat into the pot and cook over medium heat. Stir occasionally. Cook until brown.
Add the chopped Vitamin O, Green Chilis, one can of V8, stir and let simmer for a minute.
Add the beans (juice included) -- the diced tomatoes -- and the corn (drained).
Add any leftovers in the refer that are of a red color (except for Jello).
Toss in a pinch or two of chili powder.
Stir and let simmer on low heat for about 30 minutes.
Note #2:
You can't screw this up unless you pass out or have had a lobotomy sometime in the past.
Leftovers can be ziplocked and stored in the freezer which you'll probably forget about until it's time to move and then you can give it away to the neighbors.
This Just In:
According to R. Hall, President, Futurehealth Inc., cold hands are a sign of stress. Like putting on tire chains in a blizzard causes stress and cold hands. Research indicates that to reduce stress you can warm your hands by several different methods. The most popular method being to "imagine yourself holding and playing with something soft and warm". Yo!!

Until next time, this is Chet saying:

For a healthy, happy life:
Eat an apple everyday. It acts as a natural toothbrush and keeps the "colon flowin."
Hydrate your organs by drinking 8 to 10 glasses of water a day.
Never drink Gin straight up
Don't borrow other peoples shoes